Naruto 637 Discussion: Become Hokage & Get All The Bitches… or Become Judas

“Fuck. Fuck! Fuck, fuck, fuck, and fuck! Fuck, fuck, and bugger! Bugger, bugger, buggerty, buggerty, buggerty, fuck, fuck, arse! Balls! Balls, fuck, fucketty, shit, shit, willy! Willy, shit, fuck, and tits.” Let’s begin breaking down this chapter.

Obito becomes the main and most powerful villain of the series

For obvious reasons, this has become a reality. I’m very disappointed, like many of you, because I not only failed to predict Obito’s imminent death but also have to behold such a horrible plot twist. Obito himself becomes the Jinchuuriki of the Ten Tails. Come on now, how can you possibly pull this shit after suffering (and somehow surviving) a fatal Raikiri blow to your most vital thoracic organs, being controlled by Madara Fucking Uchiha’s chakra for his revival, and getting your upper torso sliced by your own badass sensei, the 4th Hokage? It ain’t make no fucking sense. You’d think that sealing the Juubi, far larger and more powerful than any of its constituent beasts, into a human body would take a major sacrifice/effort/chakra reserve/health/amount of time by the jutsu performer. Not only that, but you also have to take into account the sometimes uncertain compatibility of the host for the beast. Let’s fucking rationalize:

-Obito’s willpower to revive Rin in his fantasy world (which makes me wonder, why didn’t he force Nagato to revive her with the Rinnegan to begin with).
-Obito’s half Senju and half Uchiha body is compatible with the Juubi and genetically comparable to the Sage of the Six Paths
-Obito’s Rinnegan has, somehow, the power to facilitate the process (???)
-Obito had planned this all along, perhaps a long time before this war or even Akatsuki and had prepared for such an occasion

In light of Obito’s injuries, it is very unbelievable that he could have the strength and stamina to fight Madara’s control, without the latter noticing the resistance. It is very much unbelievable that Madara would lose to such a punk far below his level and Hashirama’s, a punk beaten by Kakashi in a sparring match. He wasn’t dead after Minato sliced him??? Fuck it. Let’s move on.

All of this leaves us with the reality that Obito is now the most powerful villain and ninja in the series. A punk ass motherfucker who is just an emotional wreck over a 13-year-old girl named Rin who didn’t give a rat’s ass about him, that was only a teammate, never actually a close friend (or a friend at all, IMO). I understand the depression and adverse reactions of other villains, and even protagonists, in the series, who suffered serious losses/tragedies in their lives (Kakashi: father’s suicide, Orochimaru: parents’ death, Naruto: orphan and rejected by village, Sasuke: clan’s extermination by his brother, Madara: brother’s death and clan’s rejection, Zabuza: atrocities of Mizukage, etc.). To me this guy is just a 29 or 30-year-old pedophile who was never suited to become a ninja, who could only masturbate to a flat-chested chick despite hanging around a fully-grown hottie like Konan. This guy could never move on. And somehow this idiot is now the most powerful being on earth.

I don’t know how they will take him down. Maybe a Madara/Hashirama/Kages truce partnership as some suggested? My sense is that Obito is going first kill all the shinobi right then and there, no hesitation. If such is the case, the only way out for everyone would be Minato’s Flying Thunder God technique. Minato could teleport Obito/Juubi to another part of the world, wherever he’s got his mark far away from the shinobi and other peoples. His mark is already on Obito (which we learned is permanent, fucking badass), so this punk can’t really escape immortal Edo Tensei Minato. I wonder whether the Juubi minions have also disappeared along with the main body and were sucked into Obito’s body. I wonder what’s gonna happen to Kakashi, who almost got himself killed for nothing, if he isn’t gonna die (he has to see his sensei again), in the alternate dimension. Anyway, we’ll see.

Sad Minato

The 4th Hokage experienced what appears to be the curse of the greatest lineage of ninja squads in Konoha’s history. One of his former students came out twisted and rotten. Tobirama, Danzo. Hiruzen, Orochimaru. Jiraiya, Nagato. Kakashi, Sasuke. Minato, Obito. Regardless of his feelings and to test out his assumption, Minato quickly “flies” to attack and discover that the masked man he had fought years ago was his supposedly deceased student Obito. What I admire about Minato, furthering his badassery, is that he coolly makes the decision to execute a former friend for the greater good. And he does so fatally, without hesitation, as brutal as possible in the moment, even to the surprise of the usually nonchalant Sasuke Uchiha. However, his effort was useless in the end. The funny note of the chapter is Minato’s obscene, I thought, recommendation to Obito: we’ll become Hokage and get all the bitches.

Minor Points

-Hiruzen was the only former Hokage that didn’t make any clones. He wasn’t even shown at all in the chapter. I think he might be up to something, such as waxing Enma’s diamond-rod, if you know what I mean. Seriously, he might be up to something.

-What are the clones made by Tobirama doing? Where did they go?

-What is Madara Uchiha going to do now? I find it hard to believe that he doesn’t have something up his sleeve. He doesn’t look frustrated at all. Maybe he just wants to enjoy the destruction Obito will cause, or he doesn’t think Obito will survive being the host of the Juubi. I don’t know. I guess he is just relieved to know that now he can fight Hashirama to his heart’s content and for eternity.

-Pain/Six Paths rods beating Sasuke’s Susanoo arrow??? WTF. How is this even possible? I expected some minor deflection, but not such a stout block of the attack. Why didn’t Sasuke use his long-distance Chidori or Amaterasu?

-Naruto’s bickering at Sasuke??? That was completely unnecessary (it’s Naruto, tell me about it). Of course, Sasuke would take off to quickly attack Obito and prevent everybody’s demise from happening. I wonder if Naruto wants to turn Obito into a good guy, the killer of Neji and numerous other shinobi. Naruto, this is no orphan Nagato from war-stricken Amegakure. This is a punk MOFO. And this would be the slim chance for Sasuke’s Hokage candidacy. Whenever it is needed most, Naruto will try to reason with the villain at the expense of countless shinobi fodder, while Sasuke will coldly do what he must and take out the threats permanently. The shinobi will look down upon Naruto for his forgiving attitude and hail Sasuke for taking immediate action. I think that’s how it could go down. But KiSHITmoto does whatever he wants.

-My Fellow Judas: Does this foreshadow Sasuke is still a traitor?

-Naruto’s words at the end of the chapter suggest that he might have known about Obito’s intentions all along because he could sense them in Tailed Beast mode. How long ago did he know about that, we might not know. But I certainly hope that he didn’t know a while back, when it would have been crucial to tell everyone what just took place in this Rin-fapping chapter. I’m not liking both the main protagonist and the, I guess, official main antagonist of the series. Obito “Punk Pussy” Uchiha.

Take it easy, folks.