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The Black Flames 5 – Waiting

The Black Flames 1 – In the Beginning there was Fire
The Black Flames 2 – Blood Red
The Black Flames 3 – Enter the Lions

The room smelled of disinfectant, the man named Jiraiya began to slowly open his eyes “thinking to himself this at least can’t be heaven” but as he could see more clearly he saw a beautiful young women standing just over him, her long black hair tied back to show he soft smooth skin. “or maybe this it is” Jiraiya thought to himself looking at the angel in front of him. “Ar Hem” Jiraiya began trying to sit up but quickly fell back down, “Please you need to relax” the nurses words almost sang out to him, “I the great Jiraiya need no rest!” he belted out before suddenly falling back in agony as his chest began to burn. Jiraiya heard the door begin to open, a man slowly walked in his shadow before the curtain, his hands began to part the curtain, “Ah Jiraiya glad you have awoken, let me introduce myself formally, my name is Fugaku Uchiha, the Hokage of the Hidden Leaf Village”

“You’re a hero you know” Fugaku sneered, looking to Jiraiya. “Well I guess I will take my leave before I turn to a prisoner. Seems hero’s don’t last long in this Village” Jiraiya replied spitting out the words. “Come now Jiraiya I would like to at least have a drink with the man who saved my life” Fugaku continued, “meet me at the tavern later, your discharge papers should be complete soon, I would like to discuss with you sentencing on Tsunade, I mean you are her friend right? I would like to know your opinion on the matter” with that Fugaku left the room, not waiting for a reply. Jiraiya knew he couldn’t just leave town now, they had Tsunade and would kill her or use her as leverage if he left the town.

Miles away, near the Stone Village border, “How much further to the Village?” Kisame complained as he moved off another branch, the night sky could be seen through the leaves. “We are getting close now, kuku” the metallic voice of Sasori replied, Itachi knew that being a ex-Suna ninja Sasori was perfect for this mission, he had battled the Stone Village many times.

“This is it” Sasori said, the four men began to enter a small house, Kisame’s large tall figure moving in last. Inside sat a boy not much younger then Itachi, long blond hair, his hands molding the near by clay, “Deidara! We are here to invite you to our organization!”

——————————————————————————————————————————————————-

“Naruto, Naruto.” came a soft voice in the darkness, Naruto could hear it was Konan’s voice but he couldn’t remember when he fell asleep, “We have arrived in Amegakure,” she continued as she lit a near by candle helping illuminate the room, the sound of the rain pattering on the roof was clear to Naruto now. “When did I fall asleep?” Naruto asked, his head feeling fuzzy as he sat up, the thin mattress he had reminded him of the one he had in Konoha, “So when do I start training!” Naruto asked as he stood up yawning. “I don’t think you understand, you are to stay in here till further instructed Naruto.” Konan replied shocked by this boys request. ‘Could he be an effective weapon’ she thought to her self.

With that Konan heard a load noise behind her, ‘it would seems he has returned’ Konan thought as she recognized the sound, “Stay here Naruto!” She commanded, Naruto could hear there was concern in her voice. He watched quietly as she left the room, but in her hurry he could here the door was not locked behind her.

Naruto slowly made his way to the door, listening for footsteps on the other side as he went. He eventually heard the coast is clear and opened the large steel door, ‘what where they trying to keep in here?’ he thought to himself as he saw the sealing tags all alone the outside of the door. His feet slowing moved over the cold wet ground below him. He could see a light at the one end of the hall and began walking towards it. He could hear the sound of Konan’s voice but was too far away to hear what she was saying. As Naruto reached the corner his heart began pumping, the his hands and body felt numb. “I know you are there boy,” a voice came, Naruto recognized it as the man named Pain he had only seen an after image but the voice was as clear as day, Naruto’s mouth became dry and already numb legs became like jelly. He used every last bit of strength to move again, he entered another dimly lit room, standing before the man known as Pain, his piercings and presence made Naruto freeze from head to toe. “My name is Pain, I am the leader of this village you are one of the few privileged enough to have seen my face and be alive. You are at this time a guest in my country, do as we say or there will be consequences.” Pain’s voice bellowed through the building, “b..b…but I gonna be a ninja. I w-w-wanna train to be stronger.” Naruto replied his small body shaking before Pain. “There is no point in you training,” Pain replied turning as he moved away from Naruto.

Naruto could feel his anger begin to rise, he had heard that from many others, in Konoha they also didn’t want him there. “but there will be a point for me, to become stronger!” Naruto shouted, mustering all his courage. Pain just stopped, still not facing the boy replied, “And what will you do with this strength? Take revenge on the people that hurt you? If I gave you strength now, what would you do with it? You are merely a child but if you cannot answer this question then power would be wasted on you. Konan please take him to his room and seal the doors.” with that Pain left, Naruto could see he was going towards the Rain.

‘What to do with Power’ unknown to them, each of them thought this as they left the room in opposite directions.

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6 Responses

  1. I’m going to place my corrections in BOLD lettering for stuff you needed to add, and ITALICS for stuff that shouldn’t of been there:

    “or maybe this it is”
    “I, the great Jiraiya, need no rest!” — By just adding some commas, the sentence becomes more fleshed out.
    Itachi knew that being an ex-Suna ninja Sasori was perfect for this mission
    his hands molding the near by clay — WTF!? That makes no sense to me. Something’s not right there.
    she continued as she lit a near by candle, helping illuminate the room. The sound of the rain pattering on the roof was clear to Naruto now. — Seems like it should be two sentences, instead of one.
    the thin mattress he had reminded him of the one he had in Konoha.
    but in her hurry he could here the door was not locked behind her. — that’s suppose to be hear

    Ok, there were alot more, but I got tired of correcting: it was not letting me enjoy the story. PLEASE PROOFREAD!! And make these corrections. Go edit your post as soon as possible.

  2. As far as the story, it’s leaving alot of question in my head. I still like the idea, and route you’re going for, but some things just don’t make sense to me. Maybe they will be addressed in later chapter. Keep it up though.

  3. you forgot to add chapter 4 in the recap. The story is good so i can forgive the mistakes in grammar.

    if bob gives me some edit powers i can proofread the fanfics, i’ve tried to say this at the lounge before but the spambox keeps eating my comments there (prays this comment doesn’t get eaten)

  4. @pein

    Great chapter, but why didn’t you post the version I proofread that I sent to your email?

  5. I forgot to change this one for some reason 😦 think with all the trouble with the 4th Chapter I changed 6, 7 and 8 but I completely forgot to change this one oh well

  6. @ Zep – Sorry bout this chapter, I have Dragon to proof read but I forgot to replace this chapter, as I said above, I cannot edit it now since I don’t have those abilities on Shannaro, I will try send the corrected on to u or bob, would u guys be able to change it?

    Sorry bout the chapter again I was away most of the week last week and was just hectic, 6 – 8 have been pre read and will have the changes in place…

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