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Into the Darkness: It All Starts

It All Starts

“Master,” a voice called out from within the darkness. The place was hardly visible, just a few light outlines of objects, some stationary, others not. This outline, small and frail, held a voice that was hesitant; his high pitched tempo along with the occasional yelp dissolved the dark and dreary atmosphere.

Another outline, this one much bigger in comparison to the smaller outline, turned his body and grunted to show he was listening.

“M-master,” the small man stuttered. “The preparations are almost c-complete. The blood has been collected a-and the bodies have been placed the way you asked.” He was out of breathe now, speaking very rapidly and with short breathe in the middle of every interval. Although not visible at first, if someone had turned on a light then, one would see the man’s pale and clammy face, drenched in sweat.

“Thank you Inu. Your work is much appreciated.” The bigger man’s voice was more controlled. The sentence swept across the room like a horde of bee’s, in one silky motion. Just from words alone one could tell the tremendous power he held.

Inu, though complimented, still shuddered from the sound of his name being uttered from the mouth of his master.

“Is t-there anything else m-m-master?”

After a brief pause the bigger man began to speak. “From you? Nothing. But it seems there are a few people who crashed my home. No, don’t get alarmed. They are not here yet. They are possibly a minute or so from here, but it’s not like they could reach me here in time.”

Inu stumbled to get up, scrambling to the door.

“Let me take out these worm’s master, they are not worth your time,” he hissed.

The master chuckled, but it was cold and devious, not warm and loving. “Do not worry about them; I think it is only fair for me to enlighten them before they go their merry way. I shall be back Inu, don’t destroy the place when I am gone.”

Although the place was pitch black, the sound of the master’s hand clapping together layered the place with even more darkness, like he was the only living thing there. Inu, whimpering left the quarters, praying he wouldn’t have to clean up the remains.

**************

            The wind blew in their hair. But the sweat on their forehead would make you think that they were off to war. In a way, they were off to worse.

“A suicide mission,” the Hokage had told them. They knew the terms and the dangers, but they still accepted the mission. This wasn’t for them anymore, it was for what they cared for; although they probably won’t see their loved ones ever again.

The man in front of the formation, Takashi, let out a signal, and the other three dispersed. Two hid behind two trees, the others disappeared. Takashi, still in the open, stopped. He held his head high and whipped out something from his back pocket. A shuriken flew purposely in between two trees, but just as it passed the thick of its trunk, the shuriken dissolved. All the remained was a pile of sand on the ground.

“Impressive,” a voice called out. Takashi swerved around, but no one was there. He turned back, still no one. He tensed, and slowly looked up.

There, he saw a man amongst men. The opponent was shrouded in a white cloak, but Takashi saw the dark clothe underneath.

“Who are you,” Takashi asked. Behind his back, he made another sign, a slower one, and a sign of caution.

The man descended from his godly position above the eyes of everybody else. “I am the man you had searching for. You may call me many things, but for the next few minutes, you may address me as The Knight.”

Takashi gritted his teeth. To the people in his village, the man before him was known as the devil’s spawn. The rumors’ spread well; how that man would bleed out his enemies slowly, torture them to near death, but not by using a single ounce of ninjutsu. He was crude and effective, which is why he was to be brought to his knees today.

Takashi threw another shuriken at “The Knight,” but the image just shimmered.

The end of Takashi’s mouth curved ever so slightly. “As I thought, you are a hologram. That explains why I wasn’t able to tell where you were. You don’t possess any energy. But why would you go through the trouble of creating a hologram just to entertain us? Why not fight us directly?”

A voice spoke out, but not from the hologram.

“Because it would be quicker to take you out if you didn’t notice me.”

Takashi’s heart stopped as he turned around. Behind him lay the bodies of his comrades piled up, and the killer stood much too close to the pile. He looked just like the hologram, but Takashi could feel the evil emanating from his body. It was a strong stench he couldn’t let go.

“Y-You,” he snarled.

“Yes, it is me,” replied the killer in a cool voice. “So now you have a decision, fight me or run. Either ways, you’ll end up dying.”

Takashi looked at the monster, lowered himself, and looked him right in the eye.

“Only cowards run.”

Quick notes:

-Please comment and critique on what you read. I apologize for the length, it wouldn’t have made much sense if I cut it of earlier.

-I’m not sure if I want to continue this Fanfic, but tell me if you think I should, and what I should improve on.

-I’ll add some drawn pictures later on, not in the introductory post though. Thanks 😀

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8 Responses

  1. Good story. I liked it. The writing was good. You didn’t have any grammatical errors that I could find. (Well, maybe just one) Overall: Great job.

    “I apologize for the length, it wouldn’t have made much sense if I cut it of earlier.” You mean it was going to be shorter? lol. I thought you needed a bit more actually. lol.

  2. the length was a bit short i don’t know what to think of it yet but that’s okay since it’s only the introduction keep it up

  3. I like it but feel you could have made it longer. I think for a first chapter you could have progressed the story a little further. Still i think it has potential and look forward to a second chapter

  4. The reason why it was short is because i heard that it should be 500 words, i could’ve written more, but chose not to due to that err…misleading fact?

  5. it is at least 500 words lol most fanfics have like 800-2000 and some exeptions with 3000-4000

  6. Well then, looks like i have less of a limit 😀

  7. you should go on … you have a good writing technique ….. but the only thing that leads this or rather connects this to an actual manga is the mention of Hokage …. otherwise i had no clue of what this would have been … plus … i hope you draw a timeline and backdrop from actual anime to your fanfic because we don’t know what we are looking at …

    please do continue
    and read ZEp’s and Suna’s fanfic’s to understand why the timeline and backdrop is important …. i am at best a critic and nothing more

    “it is at least 500 words lol most fanfics have like 800-2000 and some exeptions with 3000-4000”
    i remember suna had a whole novel put in last week :P.. Just kidding Suna …. but yes it can be 3-4 times the size of what you’ve put in …

    to conclude …. publish more and read more fanfic from zep and Suna and Comment also … boosts morale and gives you guys a reason to write …. good work darkknight .. when’s your next release

  8. Nice Writing style, very descriptive with lots of promise in the way you tell the story, this chapter was too short but that has been dealt with, with an opening chapter quite a lot can be dealt with, I write just over 1000 at a time I try to keep within a boundrey for my chapters but that is not a rule one must follow…

    I also agree with Devilsrage, Zep and Suna have great fan fictions running, and Zep is interesting for his Time line, I also have one going if interested 😛

    Keep up the good work, look forward to the next chapter 😀

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